Resisting the Urge to Buy Them Out of a Difficult Situation

Singaporeans are rich. (I guess I should say "most".) We recently received some beautiful, fully functional furniture that was only 2 years old that was about to be disposed of (read trashed) because the owners wanted a new look for their HDB flat.

Did you read in the New Paper about the 24 year old girl lying in the hospital bed in coma from a diving accident in Perth? A point in that report that caught my attention was that her father was still giving her pocket money even though she was already working because it was his way of showing his love for her.

Did you also read about the 16 year old teenager who was sentenced to 5 years' jail in nov 2006 for robbery at knife point? He had done it all. He was smoking at an early age and later on had moved on to heavier drugs. I only wonder where he got the money to buy all this stuff?

In today's Sunday Times, there was a heart breaking interview with the Singaporean man in Sydney who tried to poison his two young daughters. I'm sure there were alot of other issues involved, but the interview mentions that though they were living on the last of their income and in debt, the splurged on expensive toys for their daughters. I quote: "We bought the kids all the toys because we wanted to make them happy."

And a document on his laptop about their decision to commit suicide, it reads, "By then, we do not have the resources to nurture our children... The question is, should we continue to live in misery just to pay off debts and see our children suffer through hardship, just as we did when we were young?"

You know what the underlying assumption to this is?  Money can buy us happiness. Money can buy my child's love for me. 

Let me say it now: THAT IS A LIE!

Don't get me wrong. Money is very nice and I wish that I had more. (Who doesn't? :OP ) But I've been blessed by having a mom who didn't allow me to buy every toy I wanted and if my monthly allowance ran out, tough. It taught me to live within my means and not be miserable when I can't get what I desire. Either wait, save up for it, or consider other cheaper options.

In our society, it's guilt that's funding the child's whims and fancies. Mom and dad hardly spend time with their child, because they're working so many hours in a week. They justify it by saying they're doing it to earn money so the children can have a better education, a better life, etc... Every new toy, violent video game, demonic card game on the market, their child owns. Every new Disney show that's on, their child will watch and they'll bring home all the characters and paraphernalia in the form of soft toys or what not. Every new fad, from skate scooters to roller shoes (what ever you call 'em), their child will have so they can pass their time in the holidays. Every branded clothing label. Every fancy watch, shoes, bag, stationery set.... the list is truly endless.

Parents who try to buy their way into their child's hearts are really trying to take a short cut that takes them to the wrong destination. Such children grow up unthankful, ungrateful, demanding, unsatisfied (ironically), selfish and self-centred, not knowing the value of money or hard work.

Most of all, they grow up insecure. Is it not true that these children have been trained to look to material comforts for security? To take the place of that void that mom and dad are leaving behind?

And the love and loyalty that the children give to such parents will last only as long as there are presents to receive.

You know what's wrong with that? The joy that material comforts give you are very short lived, and you will always be searching for the next thing to cling on to (re: my first eg.)... until your bank account runs dry. How superficial and perilous and devastating a relationship between parent and child!

Realize happiness and security is not found in material things but in a happy, healthy, giving/taking relationship that honors the other better than themself. (see Phil 2:3-4 below) That takes time, being there, laughing, playing, listening, instructing, guiding, hugging, crying, hurting, healing... It takes time and there's no short cut.

And as my pastor would say: "and that was the introduction. Now for the message." Haha.. in this here blog's case, it's a story about something that happened recently with my no. 3., who's 3 yrs this year.

He had been going through a growth spurt and it was time for him to have bigger shoes. Now, children at this age don't wear out their shoes too much because they grow so fast, the shoes (soles and all) still look hardly worn. I had washed and kept in cold storage no. 1's shoes from 3 years ago for no. 3 to wear, so I was happy to take them out and tell him that he's got "new" shoes to wear, now he's out grown the old ones.

Sadly, they don't make shoes the way they used to. (Or maybe they do... ?) He wore his korkor's sandals for one day and the right side gave way at two places. We assured him that we'd get glue and get it fixed, nevermind, tomorrow, you can wear your "new" running shoes. Then, at the end of that day, the sole of one side came out. Poor no. 3 cried. Papa quickly went and got another brand of glue.

As he was off buying the glue, I debated within my heart why don't we just buy him a brand new pair of shoes? So kesian. But then I told myself, that we can't buy them all new shoes all the time. And after all, that hand-me-down pair really was still good. (Except that the shue glue had dried out.)

And then I thought, maybe the Lord is teaching no. 3 RESILIENCE. (defined as a person who is able to cope with stress and catastrophe... like a shoe sole that keeps coming off... :OP ) It surely must be an important lesson because after having glued it on yesterday, it promptly fell off again today, encouraging the other side to do likewise.

You have to be a parent to fully understand the instinctive need of a parent to provide for their off-spring. But, parents, do just guard yourself against allowing money to take your place in securing your child's happiness.

Philippians 2:3-4  Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.

1 Timothy 6:6-10  But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and raiment let us be therewith content. But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition. For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.

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Thanks for getting this far down the post! Hope what i've written gives you something to think about and do write to me if you have questions or queries! And you may disagree aggreeably too! :O)

Comments

[gpheng]

reading your post reminds me of yesterday how sang had to walk with her pouting tuition kid for 40 mins under the sorching sun for refusing to ride the van because its aircon was failing from church to bradell.

child training requires time. But alas our busy busy generation can only afford shortcuts.

Good day, suwei!

[Suwei]

Hi gpheng! Thanks for reading and I must say a note of congratulations on being the first to post a comment on this blog!!! Thank you so much for breaking the ice and i do hope to hear more from (from you and) the other folks who are reading! :O)

And phew for poor sang who had to endure that kind of torture. :OP

[gpheng]

thank you! got prize?

i guess blogging is how you unleash your latent energy. keep stuff, keep posting!

sequel to 'the long walk':
the child came for tuition last night and was as sweet as can be and maybe, in my mind, quite humbled.